Before I begin, remember I’m as guilty as charged. I’ve made these mistakes and I know better. We are failing our youth athletes and I’m part of the problem.
I wrote this to share my thoughts on how we can do better as parents and coaches… and also to remind myself to to stop being a crazy sports dad.
I get it. Really.
We want our kids to be successful.
We want them to win games, make the best teams, showcase their skill set and be recognized as rockstar athletes.
We don’t want them to suck. We’d prefer that they didn’t play on the lowest team. We don’t want our kids dropping passes, making mistakes and losing every single game. It’s frustrating as hell to watch your kid make the same mistake over and over again.
Parents, I promise, I get this. As a father, I want my kids to be the best they can be. I want them to score all the goals they can, defend every opponent and win every game.
I also know that early specialization leads to burnout, potential overuse injuries and premature peaking.
What can we do as parents and coaches to better help our youth athletes be successful long term?
1. We need to start with the reality of competition at an early age.
When it’s all said and done, no one gives a shit who won the U-12 AAU basketball tournament, the fall lacrosse jamboree or the soccer spring fling.
These short term wins don’t do a darn thing for long term athletic development. These wins are good for bragging rights and instant gratification, but that’s about it.
2. Kids need to understand that making mistakes and losing are valuable life lessons.
I’ve screwed this one up as well. I got pissed when my son dropped easy passes the other day because I have seen him do better when he’s at home. Then I said to myself (with a little help from my wife) “Mike, he’s 11. Stop being an asshole and just let him play.” This is easier said than done, I might add. I’m working on this.
We need to let kids have fun and use their imaginations. Create an environment where they leave their training sessions and games sweaty and smiling… not over-pressured and frustrated.
Here’s a quick example you’ve probably seen first hand. A player does some fancy move, pulls it off and scores. Awesome right?! Hell yes and you bet they are getting all the high fives and fist pumps!
But what happens when they miss that fancy shot and it causes a significant turnover?! Usually they are benched and often ridiculed. Some coaches will punish athletes for pulling moves like that when they fail, yet when they are successful with the same move, we put them on a pedestal.
What kind of message are sending? It can be contradictory and it’s probably confusing as hell for the athlete.
Kids will fail and need to fail. They will learn from their failures and they’ll learn the rewards of practicing more and working harder on their own volition. While it’s not going to happen as fast as we might like, it’s the right way to approach this. If an athlete fails but cares enough to work more and wants to improve, they will eventually take ownership through this journey of trial and error.
Telling them they sucked and played terrible is not effective and should never occur at any level. Professional athletes with seven figure contracts shouldn’t be treated this way and we certainly shouldn’t feel it’s okay to treat a 10 year old kid playing youth sports like this.
3. Understand the concept of soon ripe, soon rotten.
The is early specialization in a nutshell.
When we focus on our kids winning at all costs at the age of 10, we fall down a slippery slope. Eventually these kids usually find themselves frustrated, injured and burnt out. There’s a good chance they’ll hate their sport by college because it was not fun. They felt so much pressure to succeed instead of learning to play for the love of the game.
Here’s another thing that may also happen with early specialization.
The kid who specialized in soccer at 10 will want to try other sports in high school, but will be discouraged due the significant time and financial investments his parents made into soccer over the previous 8 years. I’ve witnessed parents and coaches saying things like “you aren’t quitting after all the sacrifices we made for you.”
Does this create an environment for success? Probably not. It likely makes your kid roll their eyes (or do much worse).
Let’s stop failing our youth athletes by focusing on the wrong things.
Please don’t hear what I’m not saying.
Should kids play more of the sport they love? Absolutely!
Should they play only that sport? No.
Should parents and coaches stop encouraging hard work? Hell no. We should encourage work ethic and continual improvement. Just make sure it’s not tied to winning or losing, but rather working hard, being consistent, taking coaching cues and being a leader and team player.
Should sport coaches and strength coaches not work with kids on their development? I would never say that. Like everything though, the devil is in the details.
As coaches, let’s focus on developing quality human beings before we work to build elite athletes. (I’m beyond thankful for my son’s coaches pictured here who coach this way are AMAZING!)
Let’s the be coach that builds the kids on our team up instead of breaking them down.
Let’s be the adult(s) that teach kids to prioritize work ethic, respect, manners and empathy.
Parents and coaches, I know this is not easy. If you’re anything like me (competitive!) this journey will be filled with f-bombs, frustration and mistakes.
At the end of the day, your kid’s happiness is more important than winning the U-10 regional championship. We’re failing our youth athletes and need to get it together.